Why I did not charge the monster to court?
Monday, June 24, 2013
I sue you sue I sue you.
The previous blogpost was a controversial one about the haunted houses I went to in the past. Many of you had shared your experiences with me or told me that you had also went to those houses before.... Well, if you have not, share it with me!!
Today's post will also be a controversial one and many strangers out there would definitely have something to say just like what you all had commented on STOMP and EDMW.
Actually....I did see many more rude and downright atrocious comments online but I shall not probe any further because hey, "FREEDOM OF SPEECH!" I know, I know!
I was inspired by Juli from BunBunMakeUpTips to write this post because she was feeling what I had felt and kept inside me for a long long time.
If you had read Jolene's Story, you would know what my stepfather had did to me when I was just 11 years old, a young Primary 5 girl.
If you have not read it, what are you waiting for?
Get a copy at the nearest bookstores! Popular, Times, Kinokuniya or buy as an ebook online!! You are missing out if you had not read my book!
Anyway, many have asked why did I not charge him/sue him to court and why did I not use the law to imprison him in jail.
(1)It happened exactly 12 years ago.
(2)I did not want my step-brothers to live without both parents. (I have mentioned this many many times in radio interview, in newspaper interviews and all various media interviews.)
I am not trying to portray myself as a noble and selfless sister and I don't need anyone telling me that I am stupid.
The main purpose of "Jolene's Story" is stated right here on Marshall Cavendish's Website.
It is not to focus on the abuse that I went through but it is to reach out to abuse victims out there and tell them NOT to blame themselves and actually they should of course step out earlier to prosecute their abusers.
You may say it is not too late for me to do so, to prosecute him and to let him be punished by the law but for me, it is TOO late.
At the moment of time, nobody believed that I was sexually abused except for my late grandfather who was the one who convinced my mother that it was the truth. I had been charged and was put into Singapore Girls' Home. The authorities only spoke to me in year 2008 but I told them not to carry on with the charges towards the monster. Why?
(3) I know some of you truly care but the majority out there are just mere spectators. I am just your pawn in the game. It is the same with the case of Mr.Ng Boon Gay/Pastor Kong Hee. Most of you do not truly care about them. You all are just outsiders who are CURIOUS as to what is going to happen to them and whether or not they win or lose their cases, no effect will be upon you. You will most probably forget about them 2 years down the road until a similar case happens again. It is the same for me. I will appear on the news headlines "Girl, sexually abused at 11. Standing on trial against predator only 12 years later."
Do you think that I am happy that the person who violated me has not been punished by the law? Do you know that I still get nightmares of the incident over and over again but I refuse to let them affect me? Do you know how it feels when up to this moment of time, he is still denying it and spreading rumors that I wrote rubbish in the book? He has ruined my whole childhood and my teenage years, I do not want him to continue to ruin the rest of my life.
If I wanted, I could have just posted his photo here on my blog but I was afraid that my laptop would be infected with a virus.(Just kidding).. but seriously speaking, I can give you the link to his Facebook account, I could tell you his name, his occupation and even tell you where he lives. BUT NO, I refuse to behave like how YOU think I should. I refuse to act on impulse and try to ruin his life just like how he had ruined mine.
Writing the book and getting it published was a way of attaining vigilante justice although in actual fact it did not punish him in any way.
Look at what the general public thinks :
"So pretty and cute, if I am the step father, I also cannot tahan leh."
"This is quite common what... step father or brothers doing such things. lol, no need to write one book meh.. I think teenagers won't wanna read it. maybe old ppl will like."
I really WORRY for people like that. Is looking good a crime? Sorry to say, I looked hideous in the past when I did not know how to doll up and put on make-up. Even with make-up, I looked like some getai singer so I don't think that being beautiful was the reason I was sexually violated. How can sexual abuse even be COMMON? You mean it is right to violate someone whether it is physically or sexually just because it is COMMON?? Are you for real?
I have, however, met many many awesome and amazing people through this journey of becoming an author and I have never regretted putting my story out for the public to scrutinize. A few thousand people by now knows about my life story and I am fine with that.
Stop asking me why I was so stupid to let him off scot-free? I did not have much of a choice.
Connect with me on Imotiv! Download the app now : IMOTIV!
The previous blogpost was a controversial one about the haunted houses I went to in the past. Many of you had shared your experiences with me or told me that you had also went to those houses before.... Well, if you have not, share it with me!!
Today's post will also be a controversial one and many strangers out there would definitely have something to say just like what you all had commented on STOMP and EDMW.
Actually....I did see many more rude and downright atrocious comments online but I shall not probe any further because hey, "FREEDOM OF SPEECH!" I know, I know!
I was inspired by Juli from BunBunMakeUpTips to write this post because she was feeling what I had felt and kept inside me for a long long time.
If you had read Jolene's Story, you would know what my stepfather had did to me when I was just 11 years old, a young Primary 5 girl.
If you have not read it, what are you waiting for?
Get a copy at the nearest bookstores! Popular, Times, Kinokuniya or buy as an ebook online!! You are missing out if you had not read my book!
Anyway, many have asked why did I not charge him/sue him to court and why did I not use the law to imprison him in jail.
(1)It happened exactly 12 years ago.
(2)I did not want my step-brothers to live without both parents. (I have mentioned this many many times in radio interview, in newspaper interviews and all various media interviews.)
I am not trying to portray myself as a noble and selfless sister and I don't need anyone telling me that I am stupid.
The main purpose of "Jolene's Story" is stated right here on Marshall Cavendish's Website.
It is not to focus on the abuse that I went through but it is to reach out to abuse victims out there and tell them NOT to blame themselves and actually they should of course step out earlier to prosecute their abusers.
You may say it is not too late for me to do so, to prosecute him and to let him be punished by the law but for me, it is TOO late.
At the moment of time, nobody believed that I was sexually abused except for my late grandfather who was the one who convinced my mother that it was the truth. I had been charged and was put into Singapore Girls' Home. The authorities only spoke to me in year 2008 but I told them not to carry on with the charges towards the monster. Why?
(3) I know some of you truly care but the majority out there are just mere spectators. I am just your pawn in the game. It is the same with the case of Mr.Ng Boon Gay/Pastor Kong Hee. Most of you do not truly care about them. You all are just outsiders who are CURIOUS as to what is going to happen to them and whether or not they win or lose their cases, no effect will be upon you. You will most probably forget about them 2 years down the road until a similar case happens again. It is the same for me. I will appear on the news headlines "Girl, sexually abused at 11. Standing on trial against predator only 12 years later."
- Will you be there for me every single day if I choose to go on trial against my the sexual predator?
- Will you pay for my legal fees whether or not I win or lose the case?
- Will you cry with me if I lose the case?
- Will you protect me against judgement of the public if I lose the case and than call me a liar because I know that is the expected response from everyone?
- Will you know how it feels to be scrutinized by the public/media everyday for being a sexual abuse victim?
- Will you know how it feels to repeat the whole abuse process again in the courtroom and having to see him indirectly tormenting me?
- What would you gain if I win the case? "See, I told you. She sure win one lah."
- What you say if I lose the case? "See, I told you, She's a liar. Attention seeker only lah write book."
- Telling me to sue him is easy, you just have to speak but what do I have to go through????
This is what Juli had written on her recent blogpost and it says EXACTLY what I feel although we are talking about 2 different subjects.
"You are a spectator. You place a bet on me because you think I’ll win, you take your seat and wait for the show to begin.
I am the matador facing an angry, charging 800KG bull.
If I die, you say ‘Awww, that sucks’. You leave the stadium. You move on with your life.
I, the matador, am dead.
It is so easy to say ‘WHY ARE YOU NOT SUING THEM?!! YOU’RE BEING STUPID BY PROTECTING THEM!!’
Talk is cheap.
Will you sue the salon for me? Will you support me if this really ends up in court? Will you pay for my legal fees? Will you be there in the court room with me? Will you even care about how my case develops two months down the road?
I will be, by then, old news. You will move on with your life while mine is in shambles.
Only the intelligent have told me my decision to not disclose the name thus far is a wise move. Only those who truly care say my decision is commendable and shows just how sensible/mature I am in handling the situation.
The general misconception is that if someone does you wrong, you sue. The reality is far from this, really. There are many steps and actions you can take before you actually stand trial.
As much as I’m hurting and suffering from all that the salon has subjected to, I am logical. Right from the start, even with physical and mental torture, I have been rational."
Do you think that I am happy that the person who violated me has not been punished by the law? Do you know that I still get nightmares of the incident over and over again but I refuse to let them affect me? Do you know how it feels when up to this moment of time, he is still denying it and spreading rumors that I wrote rubbish in the book? He has ruined my whole childhood and my teenage years, I do not want him to continue to ruin the rest of my life.
If I wanted, I could have just posted his photo here on my blog but I was afraid that my laptop would be infected with a virus.(Just kidding).. but seriously speaking, I can give you the link to his Facebook account, I could tell you his name, his occupation and even tell you where he lives. BUT NO, I refuse to behave like how YOU think I should. I refuse to act on impulse and try to ruin his life just like how he had ruined mine.
Writing the book and getting it published was a way of attaining vigilante justice although in actual fact it did not punish him in any way.
Look at what the general public thinks :
"So pretty and cute, if I am the step father, I also cannot tahan leh."
"This is quite common what... step father or brothers doing such things. lol, no need to write one book meh.. I think teenagers won't wanna read it. maybe old ppl will like."
I really WORRY for people like that. Is looking good a crime? Sorry to say, I looked hideous in the past when I did not know how to doll up and put on make-up. Even with make-up, I looked like some getai singer so I don't think that being beautiful was the reason I was sexually violated. How can sexual abuse even be COMMON? You mean it is right to violate someone whether it is physically or sexually just because it is COMMON?? Are you for real?
I have, however, met many many awesome and amazing people through this journey of becoming an author and I have never regretted putting my story out for the public to scrutinize. A few thousand people by now knows about my life story and I am fine with that.
Stop asking me why I was so stupid to let him off scot-free? I did not have much of a choice.
Connect with me on Imotiv! Download the app now : IMOTIV!
Labels: Biography, Emotional, Jolene's Story, Life, Local Author, Truth
