I am feeling out of sorts, and it is due to no particular reason.
Does PMS always make people feel shitty abt themselves??
Why can't PMS be like happy mood swings like u swing all yr sorrows into happiness?
I've been growing stronger, in some sort of ways.
I know who I can rely on, and who I can't. I am independent enough to know what I have to do.
But damn this hand-to-mouth life that I am leading.
Is this what I want??
I am miserably poor and I have no other choice. I ain't showing any contempt for my job.
I am just yearning for nicer grass patches.
You see, life is really so darn short.
Seconds,days,months,hours passes crazily quickly and we don't even get a chance to sit down and reflect.
Life passes tt fast and yet I don't have a chance to enjoy every minute of it.
Not at all when I am miserably trying so hard to feed myself,screwing my brain juices out to think of ways to help with Grandma's loanshark debts.
I think it is pathetic how help is given to us needy Singaporeans.
The people in charge of helping us with housing and such are not doing much at all.
My mum and me has no roof over our heads.
We seek the higher authority's help.
They wrote my mum a letter telling her to buy from the market.
If we have the money, we wouldn't even seek your help, D-U-H.
We can only afford the tiles of a bathroom floor I guess? Or maybe even lesser than that.
Fine, we seek your help again.
My mum did the queuing and all the other hassle just to get a chance to meet the person in charge over at the EAST region.
Well, he was emotionless while my mum blabbered our pathetic story to him.
He didn't even pity us.
Filthy rich important people do not really care about penniless people like us.
They wouldn't even remember our faces even after we walked pass them 10 times.
And so, we sulk and wait for the letter from him again hoping that he would give us some good news.
Actually,we went to the EAST region first, than my mum was pissed so she went to the NORTH-EAST region to seek someone else who was of higher authority than the fella at the EAST side.
BUT,the EAST guy was unhappy and his people called us up to proceed to the EAST side agn.
That is why we went for the second time what!
Anyway,the letter came...
And we were told that since my mum could not afford to buy from the market or rent,and my uncle was going to throw my mum out of his house soon,they indicated that my mum has another sibling.
Her younger brother.
My small uncle who does nothing but suck up to his two-headed wife.
They even said that my small uncle is living in a mansionatte(Read: 2 storey HDB flat), so there would definitely be a place for us to stay.
I mean come on ! Are you STUPID or STUPID???
If we could live there, would we be seeking YOUR assistance in this matter?
Bloody fcuked up screwed up people.
I am miffed,so miffed by how we poor people are being treated.
Yes,we are needy but not useless.
We do know tt my mum's younger brother has a BIG HUGE FAT house but so what??
He is under his wife's sickening manipulations.
He brought my late grandpa's tablet back to his home saying that me,Grandma and Mum could visit him anytime over at his place.
And weeks later when Grandma wants to do so,he says he is too busy and gets pissed at her and shove her away to go to Bright Hill to pay her respects instead.
He bloody hell stole like thousands from my Grandparents to chase after an Indonesian woman in Thailand!
Grandma was so worried that she travelled to Thailand ALL ALONE to look for me.
And see how ungrateful he is now?
He said he does not want my grandma as his Mum anymore and asked her to leave him alone.
He won't give her a single cent anymore and would never think of ways to clear her debts for her.
BECAUSE he is busy with his marriage preparations.He is smitten with that 2 headed snake of a wife.
Why do I say this?
Because I have seen her true colours.
You will know why if you've been there at my Grandpa's funeral.
I wonder why Mediacorp hadn't recruited her yet.
I can't believe I am crying writing all this shit and I myself don't even know why too.
I guess I have no one to talk to or no one who could give me any advice.
I am the one who chose to isolate myself from others because I do not want to burden other people with my problems when they have already have much frustrations on their own.
I wish I could write more.
I have so much to rant.
But I am too emotional now and if I write everything here, who would wanna read my published book in the future?
I need to sleep away the tears,like NOW.
Labels: Family, Problems, Shit