JoleneSnow -Girl who went through hell to finally meet heaven.
Freeing SG- 5D reality room escape gaming!
Monday, September 30, 2013

Hello everyone! 

I was an invited blogger for a very special event and I am so excited to blog about it! 

What is FREEING SG? 

Located at the 7th floor of Bugis+, Freeing SG promises a whole load of action-packed fun! Enter the rooms and figure your way! It's not going to be easy! 

Watch this video to have a feel of it!

I am sure you brave souls out there will take up the challenge!! 

I had a really great time there meeting all the wonderful people! 

This is the amazing boss of Freeing SG! 

Thank you Cecilia for inviting me! 

For more information, check out their Facebook page :
Or their website :

We are now left with 3 more months till the year ends! Let's make them the best! Giveaway happening on Instagram soon! Stay tuned! 

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5 years. 60 months. 1825 days.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013

5 long years. 
It hasn't been easy but can I say that it had been the best 5 years of my 23 years on this Earth.

All the good times, all the bad times, all the times hand in hand with each other. At 18 years old(he was only 17), we both didn't expect that we will find each other and walk together for 5 years. It didn't start really well because you made me went through a heartbreaking experience with someone else before we both fell in love BUT through that, we found what was missing in our lives - each other. 

James is a gem. In front of my late grandfather's body, he told my grandfather that he will take care of me, no matter what. I know that even if unfortunately, we break up one day.. James will definitely still take care of me, as a friend too. 

He was one of those who motivated me to work my way towards my dream of being an author. He stood by me and gave me support through my worst days and shared joy with me through my best days. He even holds a chapter in my book! (If you haven't bought Jolene's Story, what are you waiting for?!!!) 

He has seen the ugliest side of me. He has seen me drooling with my mouth wide open in my sleep, heard my loudest and most disgusting fart(HAHAHAHAHA!), watched me as I dug my nose and many other unglam actions! BUT, he still loves me as I am. 

Thank you, James. 
Even though you always give me a "Jiao Bin" and is not a romantic guy, you are still amazing! 


This is the first time that we are unable to celebrate our anniversary together because you are stuck in a jungle in Tekong for your field camp.... :( 

Ok lah bye bye. Cannot be too mushy, later people thinks I'm not cool anymore. 


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What Exactly Happened To Me?
Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I am no Xiaxue, PxdKitty, Speshi or Qiu Qiu but everytime I put up a new post, at least 50 people will read it and I am grateful for the ones who actually bothers. I have never thought of making it big as a local blogger in Singapore but I love writing and also equates to blogging as well.

What exactly happened to me recently? 

If you have bought and read Jolene's Story. you all would know that I grew up a sad child, being sexually abused and looked down upon in the past. 

I am just a very normal girl with a big heart and although at times, it is hard for me to maintain the friendships I have with different people, I always tried my best. I am cynical and I cannot trust easily. I lost many friendships in the past 22 years of my life but I have gained a lot of insights in life. 

At this point in life, only less than 5 people are updated with the ongoings of my life and that includes James as well. I am contented with these few people as I always find it a burden to let too many people know about my problems.

In my previous blog entry, I opened up about having mild depression. I also, have a lung problem which I all along thought was a heart problem since 2008. I refuse to talk about it because I do not see the point of thinking when am I going to die or scaring myself with all sorts of medical theories.

The hype about my published book, Jolene's Story was over in the middle of 2013. Promoting of the book quickly died down but I gained many social media friends who are all very nice to me. 

After that, everything just started going downhill for me. I was saddled with debts that I did not borrow but had to shoulder for someone else. I faced up to it. "Never mind" I consoled myself that things were just going to get better after this episode. 

I hopped between a few jobs and despite being judged as job-hopper, I remained optimistic that I would find a good one to settle down in. I did not choose to be a job-hopper. I just did not want to stay in a job that I was unhappy in. I had a choice so I decided that I wanted to be happy.

Most of you know that I had gotten a scholarship and was supposed to start school in May. However, there were not enough students to start the classes as most students had enough credits to skip the bridging course. I didn't but I did not blame the school because it was my results that was a factor. My programme consultant tried looking for other solutions for me and we ended up in the decision that I would be taking up Diploma in Marketing instead of a Diploma in Mass Communications. School is scheduled to start this month and I really hope that everything goes well/as planned.

At the end of June, an old friend I had known since 2009 contacted and asked me if I would like to try out a job that could earn me a lot of money. Money, such a beautiful but manipulative item that controls us. Let's call my friend KK. KK gave me more information and as he would be doing the job too, I felt assured to join him. I gave up a high paying job for this job because I thought that it would gain me more in the long run. I don't regret my decision but eventually, I learnt a huge lesson.

KK and I tried our best for the job and there were many hiccups. We never gave up and tried really very hard. KK and the boss had some disagreements and I was always caught in the middle of it. I was very sick and tired because I really just wanted to do my job well. The bosses were nice to me at first and I appreciated their kindness. I was very upset when everytime I wanted to work hard to earn more money, I was being asked to settle KK's mess that had nothing to do with work. It was personal issues which I really did not want to be involved in. I was supposed to be a salesperson but I was made to follow the boss to settle her personal feuds with her friends and ended up being entwined in her police case and lawsuits and whatnots. I did not mind that as I know I was suppose to follow my superior's orders. However, all these were taking a toll on me mentally and I was slowly falling into a dark hole. The stress of wanting to work hard, earn more and yet losing so much in the process was pushing me over the edge.

Eventually, KK left giving 24 hour notice. Things got even worse for me because I had to follow up on his workload and I was all alone. Yes, me and KK were the only 2 staff in the company. I tried my best to do what I can because I really did want to earn more money. I had been poor all my life and I want to break free from financial distress, there was no wrong with that right? After KK left, the boss kept telling me that KK was unprofessional and left us a shitload of things to clear and he was irresponsible because he did not do a proper handover. The boss said that she was well known in the corporate world and that she want to make KK's life miserable in his new job. She wanted to blacklist him in the corporate world and make sure he pays for causing us to end up saddled with problems. Hearing all those, I was more than afraid. The first few signs of depression started but I never knew. I grew very fearful and I began to feel a complete sense of helplessness as I was all alone now.

I decided to leave the job too. I was very afraid of the boss and also the mental distress was causing me horrible insomnia, improper diet and loss of weight. I did not realize they were signs of depression. I left with giving 24 hour notice as well and one of the boss said that he wished me the best. I thought that I would regain my happiness since things ended well.

I was wrong.

Just like how the boss was furious with KK, she was furious with me. She started sending me a lot of messages telling me that I had breached the contract because I was supposed to serve 1 month notice. Upon signing the appointment letter, I was told that the notice will only apply to confirmed staff. I was still a probation staff at the point of resignation and like KK, I gave 24 hours notice. I did not want to agitate the boss further so I refuse to reply her messages or pick up her calls because I was really really fearful of her. It was the same fear that I had for my stepfather who sexually, physically and mentally tormented me. I did not want to pick a fight with her and make things worse than it already was. I spoke to the other boss instead and told him a lot of heart felt feelings that I had been going through for example, my fear, my depression, my lung problems.. He was the one who wished me all the best and I thought that he will understand. He told me that he will talk to the angry boss and told me not to worry.

Unfortunately for me, she refused to let go. Even the other boss had no more say when I asked him again for help. All he could say to me was that she has the biggest say in the company and there was nothing he could do. I was left even more helpless. At this point of time, I had come into terms with my depression and I know that I have to stop it and move on. I let down all barriers and sent her a message that I was very apologetic if I have offended her in so many ways because she felt that I had disrespected her and had been very unprofessional. I apologized many times, saying sorry over and over again. I just wanted the episode to end. She was relentless, telling me that she wanted to get even with me no matter what. I was at the losing end because I did sign the contract and it did state about the 1 month notice. I decided not to reply her anymore since she did not have any intention to stop mentally torturing me. I opened up to her about my depression as well, not because I wanted her to pity me but I really wanted to address the issue. 

I decided to just wait and see how things go. 

She called up KK several times but he ignored her calls. Determined, she called up his wife and spoke to KK about me. She told him that she wanted a face-to-face apology from me and then she will let the case rest. Otherwise, she wants to teach me a lesson by demanding me to pay back 1 month of salary-in-lieu. I was dumbfounded for words.

I did not start this blog entry with the intention to defame my ex-employers or to blow up this matter. I just wanted to unbottle everything that I have kept inside so that I can cure my own depression. I do not blame anyone for all that had happened. What can I say, I made the wrong choices... I want to pen down this episode so that in the future when I look back, I will remember what I had went through to make me even stronger and more determined to succeed in life. 

I really want this depressed period to be over. Jolene is supposed to be very very strong. Jolene is a warrior who wrote a book to help other wayward youths. Jolene is.......

Throughout this whole episode, I felt so numb that it was so hard to even cry. I wanted to cry because crying will definitely feel better. But, I was immune. It was as if my life was SET and already tuned this way, that things will never be good for me for long. I will always be suffering whether it was physically or mentally. 

I just want to be happy. Is that so hard?

Why do people feel the need to make my life miserable all the time? Was I a very evil woman in my past life? 

Writing all these out is indeed a reliever although crying would have been a better option but at least, writing always helps. 

If you know in any way that you could help me, feel free to email me/tweet me or PM on Facebook.

I hope that you guys could see me posting happier posts and may all these dark days be over really really soon. 

Nevertheless, I am still grateful for the few people that have been advising me and stood by me through such a dull period of my life.

I need a rainbow. I need my colorful life back.

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Depression- I have it and I want to face it.
Tuesday, September 03, 2013

I have drifted far off from my blog from a period of time and now I return here an unhappy soul.

I have been trying my best to be positive and to steer away from feeling the D word but I guess things just happen.

"However, some depressed people don't feel sad at all—they may feel lifeless, empty, and apathetic."

I do feel depressed and I do have the symptoms that were stated. One of the worst symptoms are that I feel totally hopeless, helpless, empty and useless.

I took up a job being tempted at the idea of earning a lot of money but things didn't work out well. I was haunted daily by the superior and being controlled like a robot. I left the job and now it feels as if I am a useless person. I feel so empty.

I am being labelled as a job-hopper and I cannot change that fact. It's not that I want to keep changing jobs but things don't work out for me. Even after leaving the job, I am being hounded every day fearful of my ex superior and also afraid of the fact that she keeps wanting to sue me for any infringements that she comes up with. Enough about that.

All I know is I do have some form of mild depression and it is a good thing that I can address it. One guy friend of mine once told me that he foresee I may drop into depression one day and it is really scary because I can feel myself really being sucked into a pit hole of emptiness. 

I laugh, but I don't feel the happiness behind the laughter.
I smile, but I don't feel the joy from smiling.
I talk to my friends and joke with them but I feel a deep sense of emptiness no matter how cheerful I look on the exterior. 

My outlook on life is now very bleak. I feel helpless and hopeless. I blame myself for not being able to find a good job, I deem myself useless. I used to have the passion and energy to go for auditions, castings and also meet up with strangers to share about my book and my story.

Now? I don't even feel like meeting anyone at all except for people whom are really close to me. People like my family and my girls. It's as if I only see them even though I am in a room full of people, I disregard everyone without meaning to but I just don't want to speak to them or know them. I don't want to go out and meet strangers at all, I dread them.

I kind of hate myself now. Self-loathing and it's one of the signs of depression. I hate myself and I feel super useless. I feel that I cannot achieve anything. 

I have done my own research and what I am going through should be the below: 

Dysthymia (recurrent, mild depression)

Dysthmia is a type of chronic “low-grade” depression. More days than not, you feel mildly or moderately depressed, although you may have brief periods of normal mood. The symptoms of dysthymia are not as strong as the symptoms of major depression, but they last a long time (at least two years). These chronic symptoms make it very difficult to live life to the fullest or to remember better times. Some people also experience major depressive episodes on top of dysthymia, a condition known as “double depression.” If you suffer from dysthymia, you may feel like you’ve always been depressed. Or you may think that your continuous low mood is “just the way you are.” However, dysthymia can be treated, even if your symptoms have gone unrecognized or untreated for years.
I myself know that I have been depressed for very long, ever since I was sexually abused in the past but I never seek psychological help. As I grew up, I always tried to heal myself because I had no one to turn to.
Out of the 10 causes below, I was hit with 9 of them.

Causes and risk factors for depression

  • Loneliness
  • Lack of social support
  • Recent stressful life experiences
  • Family history of depression
  • Marital or relationship problems
  • Financial strain
  • Early childhood trauma or abuse
  • Alcohol or drug abuse
  • Unemployment or underemployment
  • Health problems or chronic pain

Even the strongest will fall one day. I have fallen long ago but I just chose not to admit it. 
I have to stop feeling this way and I know the only way I can get out of my rut is to talk about it and to face it. 

I feel extremely miserable most of the time but what I portray to others on the outlook, I just refuse to show it.

I hate it the most when I have to trouble others and be a burden to others, that's why I kept quiet all along... but this time, it is time for me to open up. Because I know that if I don't, I will not only lose myself mentally but physically as well.

I am taking my first step out to cure depression and I will not stop until I am out of it. I hope that you all can help me too.

A post from another blogger actually made me wake up and tell myself that I have to face up to this depression.


What she said was so true : "The general misconception people have about depression is that sufferers must ‘look depressed’. If you’re smiling and give a happy vibe, you can’t be suffering from depression, can you? Wrong. I go out, I smile and laugh, but inside I feel nothing."


Behind the glamour.

Who says a wayward kid will stay wayward forever? ™
Better Known as SNOW
I'm an Author, Entrepreneur and Glutton all in ONE!
12th October 1990, I'm a libran and lovin it!
I'm the author of (Jolene's Story), my first published memoir, a true life story under Marshall Cavendish!

-Wee Hwee Haw

Easily triggered emotionally and temperamentally. The perfect example of a girl who went through hell to finally meet heaven.

For adverts/reviews/sponsorship or anything else, feel free to contact me at ( !


I tweet nonsense all day long.


Jolene's Story