It has been so so long since i update this blog about my love for my Jolene.Well,still i feed her well but she still cant grow.I dont even noe y.Wun fat at all.Sat she is leaving to malaysia,so sadddd.:( but is  business so no choice huh.Me this prince and she this princess is as loving as loving as loved loved.We'r still in our honeymoon period.HAHA just love her this much<3

JOLENE is heading to Supperclub this FRIDAY NIGHT for MUST DRINK FRIDAY ! :D
Oh man, I am excited. 91.3 texted me this afternoon to inform me that I am invited to their MUST DRINK FRIDAY event. Am overjoyed. Actually,I've heard that Supperclub is always crowded and full etc but this was a different event so well, hope it turns out great! Am going with James and he is stepping into a club for the very first time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I am going to bring a small young boy out. Do I sound like an evil person or what?

Anyways,STAR SEARCH 2010 is finally here. I really really want to join !
But can I make it? Oh my oh my, I am paranoid all over again, thinking that I may be too full of myself to join the competition.
Singapore Media Academy is offering a crash course for those who wants to join Star Search. They are organising a STAR SEARCH BOOT CAMP from 17th May to 31st and if one of the participants shows great talent during the course, they would be put into Star Search immediately without the need to audition!!! The Boot Camp costs $550 though :( That is the only thing that is obstructing my pathway towards my dream. BUT I SO WANT to go!! I want to join Star Search.

Should I ?
Comments please!

P.S: My fighting spirit to work is no longer there. My interest is just NOT there.
Pfft.

Life sucks,I suck,you suck D:

Labels: Club, Talent

I am feeling out of sorts, and it is due to no particular reason.
Does PMS always make people feel shitty abt themselves??
Why can't PMS be like happy mood swings like u swing all yr sorrows into happiness?
I've been growing stronger, in some sort of ways.
I know who I can rely on, and who I can't. I am independent enough to know what I have to do.
But damn this hand-to-mouth life that I am leading.
Is this what I want??
Definitely not.
I am miserably poor and I have no other choice. I ain't showing any contempt for my job.
I am just yearning for nicer grass patches.
You see, life is really so darn short.
Seconds,days,months,hours passes crazily quickly and we don't even get a chance to sit down and reflect.
Life passes tt fast and yet I don't have a chance to enjoy every minute of it.
Not at all when I am miserably trying so hard to feed myself,screwing my brain juices out to think of ways to help with Grandma's loanshark debts.
I think it is pathetic how help is given to us needy Singaporeans.
The people in charge of helping us with housing and such are not doing much at all.

My mum and me has no roof over our heads.
We seek the higher authority's help.
They wrote my mum a letter telling her to buy from the market.
If we have the money, we wouldn't even seek your help, D-U-H.
We can only afford the tiles of a bathroom floor I guess? Or maybe even lesser than that.
Fine, we seek your help again.
My mum did the queuing and all the other hassle just to get a chance to meet the person in charge over at the EAST region.
Well, he was emotionless while my mum blabbered our pathetic story to him.
He didn't even pity us.
Filthy rich important people do not really care about penniless people like us.
They wouldn't even remember our faces even after we walked pass them 10 times.
Shitty.
And so, we sulk and wait for the letter from him again hoping that he would give us some good news.
Actually,we went to the EAST region first, than my mum was pissed so she went to the NORTH-EAST region to seek someone else who was of higher authority than the fella at the EAST side.
BUT,the EAST guy was unhappy and his people called us up to proceed to the EAST side agn.
That is why we went for the second time what!
Anyway,the letter came...
And we were told that since my mum could not afford to buy from the market or rent,and my uncle was going to throw my mum out of his house soon,they indicated that my mum has another sibling.
Her younger brother.
My small uncle who does nothing but suck up to his two-headed wife.
Nice.
They even said that my small uncle is living in a mansionatte(Read: 2 storey HDB flat), so there would definitely be a place for us to stay.

I mean come on ! Are you STUPID or STUPID???
If we could live there, would we be seeking YOUR assistance in this matter?

Bloody fcuked up screwed up people.

I am miffed,so miffed by how we poor people are being treated.
Yes,we are needy but not useless.
We do know tt my mum's younger brother has a BIG HUGE FAT house but so what??
He is under his wife's sickening manipulations.
He brought my late grandpa's tablet back to his home saying that me,Grandma and Mum could visit him anytime over at his place.

And weeks later when Grandma wants to do so,he says he is too busy and gets pissed at her and shove her away to go to Bright Hill to pay her respects instead.

He bloody hell stole like thousands from my Grandparents to chase after an Indonesian woman in Thailand!
Grandma was so worried that she travelled to Thailand ALL ALONE to look for me.
And see how ungrateful he is now?
He said he does not want my grandma as his Mum anymore and asked her to leave him alone.
He won't give her a single cent anymore and would never think of ways to clear her debts for her.
BECAUSE he is busy with his marriage preparations.He is smitten with that 2 headed snake of a wife.

Why do I say this?
Because I have seen her true colours.
You will know why if you've been there at my Grandpa's funeral.
I wonder why Mediacorp hadn't recruited her yet.

Whatever.

I can't believe I am crying writing all this shit and I myself don't even know why too.

I guess I have no one to talk to or no one who could give me any advice.

I am the one who chose to isolate myself from others because I do not want to burden other people with my problems when they have already have much frustrations on their own.
I wish I could write more.
I have so much to rant.
But I am too emotional now and if I write everything here, who would wanna read my published book in the future?

I need to sleep away the tears,like NOW.

Labels: Family, Problems, Shit

Thank you Xanthe Ng Wan Er for re-vamping my blog.
It's SWEEETTTTTTT :)


Shall return to blog soon,am not in the mood :(
Loads of work for me to finish tomorrow, & Ferlyn won't be in.

I am going to be very bored.

Labels: Friends :)

I have been really sluggish lately.I have been behaving like a sloth and I don't like it.
I wonder if I have some illness or something, like maybe a terminal disease?
Good Friday was not spent in church. I love God, I really do. But why am I unable to commit to church??

Someone please tell me why.
In Heart Of God, I could feel God's love but I did not feel my belonging there. P and E were very nice to me but I just wasn't able to grow togther w them. I am such a sinner. I kept asking myself why I couldn't communicate well with the younger sisters in church but I guess maybe I just didn't make the effort. Everyone was friendly and nice but I just didn't want to open up.

Than came CHC, S treated me like a sister but I guess I felt neglected after awhile. I was too afraid to grow on my own. I trusted K,I treated her like a sister. But than, she was my leader for only awhile and I was not comfortable with it. It took me so much courage to open up to K about my past. She taught me how to speak in tongues and I told her everything. She was an awesome leader and I love her for being one. The change of CG, my new leader was amazing too. She handled things really well. I looked up to her and really respected her. But I guess I am too judgemental. I always sees things in a different direction. I do not think that Christians should be perfect but I guess I am just subjective at times. I tend to give myself overboard expectations and than get disappointed over it.

I do not judge people. I just did not feel a sense of belonging anymore. I still trust my Lord, my sheperd but I could not feel him reaching out to me anymore. Why was I not touched at the last few sermons I attended? I just could not understand why and the need to be more commercialized? Yes, I thought that things were getting a bit too commercialised. My faith faltered. And now on Easter day, I was not in the temple of God. I want to just attend a church service whereby I will feel at home. Just a small church, a simple one. Nothing too huge or too commercialized. I want a peaceful time with Daddy above.

On a lighter note, work was super boring today. It felt like I was there to warm my backside. Boss didn't even come and so he did not sign my leave form for Monday. I guess I shall have to take MC on Monday.

Am going to watch a Muay Thai tournament @Ecp again tomorrow. James's gym member, Emily is going to be fighting. Be @ Fightworkz(Above Burger King) tomorrow if you wanna catch the match. $12 per tix.

I am pretty nervous for my appointment @ Tan Tock Seng on Monday. I am very paranoid.


:(





Anyways, Hui Qi and Wan Er are now my daughters. They have left the company and I am going to leave work without them everyday :( Everyone is going to start school very soon. I am NOT.

Yeah*a feeble attempt to look on the bright side of life.


Give me more moolah please.
Drop moolahs from the sky.

I want an Iphone and I want to go to school !!!



I am strong.