I have been really sluggish lately.I have been behaving like a sloth and I don't like it.
I wonder if I have some illness or something, like maybe a terminal disease?
Good Friday was not spent in church. I love God, I really do. But why am I unable to commit to church??
Someone please tell me why.
In Heart Of God, I could feel God's love but I did not feel my belonging there. P and E were very nice to me but I just wasn't able to grow togther w them. I am such a sinner. I kept asking myself why I couldn't communicate well with the younger sisters in church but I guess maybe I just didn't make the effort. Everyone was friendly and nice but I just didn't want to open up.
Than came CHC, S treated me like a sister but I guess I felt neglected after awhile. I was too afraid to grow on my own. I trusted K,I treated her like a sister. But than, she was my leader for only awhile and I was not comfortable with it. It took me so much courage to open up to K about my past. She taught me how to speak in tongues and I told her everything. She was an awesome leader and I love her for being one. The change of CG, my new leader was amazing too. She handled things really well. I looked up to her and really respected her. But I guess I am too judgemental. I always sees things in a different direction. I do not think that Christians should be perfect but I guess I am just subjective at times. I tend to give myself overboard expectations and than get disappointed over it.
I do not judge people. I just did not feel a sense of belonging anymore. I still trust my Lord, my sheperd but I could not feel him reaching out to me anymore. Why was I not touched at the last few sermons I attended? I just could not understand why and the need to be more commercialized? Yes, I thought that things were getting a bit too commercialised. My faith faltered. And now on Easter day, I was not in the temple of God. I want to just attend a church service whereby I will feel at home. Just a small church, a simple one. Nothing too huge or too commercialized. I want a peaceful time with Daddy above.
On a lighter note, work was super boring today. It felt like I was there to warm my backside. Boss didn't even come and so he did not sign my leave form for Monday. I guess I shall have to take MC on Monday.
Am going to watch a Muay Thai tournament @Ecp again tomorrow. James's gym member, Emily is going to be fighting. Be @ Fightworkz(Above Burger King) tomorrow if you wanna catch the match. $12 per tix.
I am pretty nervous for my appointment @ Tan Tock Seng on Monday. I am very paranoid.
Anyways, Hui Qi and Wan Er are now my daughters. They have left the company and I am going to leave work without them everyday :( Everyone is going to start school very soon. I am NOT.
Yeah*a feeble attempt to look on the bright side of life.
Give me more moolah please.
Drop moolahs from the sky.
I want an Iphone and I want to go to school !!!