POOR LITTLE SNOW IS UNLOVED .
Mummy said tht she would be home to watch soccer w me.
Thought tht I could spend some time w her.
It was just wishful thinking on my part.
When i heard the sounds of keys, I switched off the computer straight away!
& guess what,Mummy passed me a packet of fries & thn said tht
she's gng down to chit-chat w her boyfr f awhile cos he is in a bad mood.
I SANK INTO SORROW :(
Over and over agn, she's been doing this.
Neglecting me because of her Boyfriend .
I don't dislike him, He is a nice man.
But come on !!!
I WANNA SPEND TIME W MY MUM TOO!!
It's mother's day :(
& i wished tht things were like the past,when i would wait f her to return from work.
& thn we would eat supper together,slack & just chit-chat till the break of dawn.
We could talk about everything.
& now i could only feel us drifting apart.
How do i not feel sad ?
I don't have a father. & now my mom is being taken away from me.
Does she even notice when im feeling down ?
Or angry ? Or happy ?
Does she notice whther i lose or gain weight ?
Does she notice anything ?
So here am i,facing this emotionless screen & munching on pathetic soggy fries.
Watching videos of my oh-so-handsome wu zun on youtube.
Wished he was here giving me a hug,accompanying me through my loneliness *HAAAASSS!!*
& waiting and waiting for someone,anyone to comfort me.
I THINK I NEED TO GET A LIFE.
& i sent a text to my Boyfr telling him im depressed :(
obviously thr is no reply,causing me to sink further into depression.
& the vibration of my phone told me thr was a reply.
& guess wht reply i got ???????
He said he was more depressed thn me cos he lost 50 bucks on billard.
HOW DEPRESSING CAN THT BE ?
I feel so cynical right now tht i can't even cry.
I feel so lonely tht i feel like screaming.
But i guess,noone knows.
This is what happens to me when im alone, I crap non-stop,
& get pretty emotional.
At times,YOU give me the feeling tht i can rely on YOU
even if the whole world crashes down.
But at times like this,YOU make me feel what's the difference w being single & attached?
When at some point i need some attention & love,you're not thr.
A r-ship does not work only in daytime,it's a 24hour thing.
So you hv t hv tht mindset t be thr f th person for 24 HOURS !
& not when you feel tht someyhing is gng worng,you tell the person to go to sleep =.=
I am someone who will talk things out,act on my faults & not runaway from the problem.
You knew deep down that the last chance I'd given you the other day was thrashed by you.
But i kept quiet.
I didn't say i wanna go my own way.
So why didn't you try even harder to cherish it ?
I had never once wanted to say goodbye before,but please i am only HUMAN !!
Although i have God walking w me,i deserve some humanly touch & attention too.
Not when everything is fine,but when everything is NOT !!
I try and try to forget tht you was once like prince charming.
ALWAYS THERE FOR ME.
Even when i just wanted to rant abt smthing in the middle of the night.
I try to forget tht you was once just a phone call away.
& you could hear it in my voice tht i was not feeling good.
I try to forget the man who once surprise me w a bouquet of purple roses
under my block.
I try to forget the man who treated me like a princess
& not someone who complains abt being tired 24/7.
I try so hard to forget he was someone so perfect,nvr showing attitude towards me.
I try not to think of you as someone who's attention is on sleeping,the newspaper,billard
& muay thai.
Show some attention to me.
I am a girl who needs to be pampered.go out on dates,surprised by gifts.
Is tht not normal ?
Even when right now,I am on the phone w you..
I still feel so down.
Was the first few months of our r-ship only the best ?
& the best won't come anymore ??
Like what you always say,people change.
& i feel tht once a person do change,they cant be what they were once before.
DON'T SAY YOU TRY.
ACTIONS ALWAYS ALWAYS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS .
I've repeated it several times.