So here I am alone at home rotting away :x Mom apologised for leaving me home alone as she needed to meet SOMEONE :D nevermind,as long as she's happy (: I'm so happy tht she has quitted her day-time job as it aches my heart terribly to see her always overcomed by so much fatigue althou i know fatigue cant be measured bt she looks rather lethargic. I want her to enjoy life. Haas. I hate to be alone & loneliness is my worst enemy !! So whenever loneliness comes knocking on my door, th inevitable happens. Negative & depressing thoughts comes engulfing my small mini brain flooding my mind w thoughts tht i rather not fret about :( But still. They are issues tht needs t be dealt with. I know i should nt be comparing & comparisons rly kills yr self-esteem. But my mind just rewinded bk t th past wherby im so used to being gushed over by ex-boyfrs & ex-admirers. I love it when someone gushes over me as in i totally enjoy it if my Boyfriend gushes over me, telling ppl hw good am i a girlfr or how much i've done for him. At least i know, Oh my actions were much appreciated & yup. I stand a place in his heart before everything else other thn his family memebers.. friends too maybe.Im a die-hard romantic bt my Boyfr isn't. He cant take hints & He's a practical guy. Tht's good actually cos romance will not ensure any devotion t one party.If a guy could come up w 200 thousand sweet-nothings to you,he can say it t just any other girl on the streets (: But thn agn, i went blog-hopping just now & viewed a few number of guy's blog ( i dont find them gay cos guys need a space to rant too ) i was amazed at how some guys could say such wonderful stuffs abt their beloved & i actually felt tht they meant it. They could write abt hw much they miss their girlfr's presence, how they felt when their gf cuddles thm & stuffs... etc. But i dont get tht. I know i hv to love my Boyfr f who he is but stilll... I deserve some love & attention. & when I'm feeling so sick & down,rotting alone at home..He does not know,He does not see. He does not make sacrifices to keep reassuring me. Mommy was telling me abt when my uncle was hving chicken pox decades ago, his girlfr was not afraid of contracting it at all.She stayed by him & helped him w everything,easing his loneliness,watching th things he ate. Catering to his every needs. She stood by him. Regardless of whther she would get th pox or not. Was tht love ? I know Boyfr's nt meeting me cos he does nt want t bring th virus back t his family members. But th only care i receive frm him was through msges & calls. I know i was expecting too much, I wanted this seperation between us to see how much i meant t him,how much he loved me.Was he affected by nt seeing me for a period of time?Will he bring stuffs to my house door? I was rly hurt when Mummy said tht my Boyfr was scared of me,nt even daring to come see me. She said tht even my cousin sticks t me like a glue,as chicken pox is just part & parcel of growing up. If you're meant to get it,you will. Thr's nth t be afraid abt. I guess i was just expecting too much from a practical guy. I do love JAMES alot.Bt its just tht i want t feel pampered,I want to be showered w gestures of love. Esp this period when im feeling so down,so lonely..& th whole scenario just gets me a little depressed :( Like Pauline,Samuel,Jasmin & some other friends wouldbe texting checking abt me. Concerned over me. James do tht too.Bt i dk hw t describe this funny feeling im hving. Like even Esther would text me telling me she would go find this bar of soap tht will ease itchiness for me. I was so touched :) A friend would go th extra mile for me but you ??? what else can you do other thn web-camming w me,texting me & calling me? WHAT ELSE ? I want to know hw much you'd be doing for me. I don want t be feeling this way every single time you're not constant ! It just mks me so sad. To be nearly proven right tht all guys are th same..They act so head over heels when they are woo-ing th girl bt they get th chick,they totally become woozy hving a nonchalant attitude.
On a lighter note..i wan scar remover cream !! this is a BIG OBVIOUS hint for boyfr !
Babydarling,whatever tht i've said here does nt mean tht i dont love you. I do! Its just tht i wan much more. I want to be gushed over like a queen. Do you get whr im going ???????
Anywaysss, Mummy has brought a dozen Herbal tea for me & im drinking them like thr's no tomorrow to diffuse th heat in my body. Thr's Barley water boiled by Aunt. & also coconut water just bought by Grandma. Sweet eh all of them ?? Grandma's cooking porridge for me now. I've lost count of hw many bowls of porridge i've eaten. But yes !! Im eating porridge for my every meal !! x)
Betcha a million bucks tht when i recover frm this hellish pox disease, I'd be less thn 40kg!!
This is getting too wordy, I gotta go !
I cam-whored like an insane biatch ytd =.=