JoleneSnow♥

Dicks Before Friends

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

I am sure many people can relate to this post today because it is an issue that most of us will face someday, somewhere, somehow.

When you're single and ready to mingle, you stick around your friends and enjoy their company and their laughter and everything else.

And than? BAM! You get attached.

Suddenly, you go missing and you rarely could be asked out. Friends understand and give you their blessings because they are happy for you that you have found someone you love. But you are so ungrateful to your friends, those people who were there for you before you got attached.

If your partner truly loves you and thinks for you, he will love your friends and family like his own and he will hang out with your friends too. He will not tie you down and expect you to be his tail.

Disclaimer : This situation can be for both sexes.

If the relationship is an unhealthy one whereby you are always unhappy and ALWAYS quarreling every other day, your friends would be there to advice you, encourage you and help you step out of the craze.

When you have fights with your partner and is depressed, your friends are the ones who without hesitation be there for you and stand by you. If your partner does not respect your friends, you SHOULD NOT do the same. After the fight is over and you get lovey with your partner once again, you forget all about your friends. * Applause*

People you've known the longest- you put them at the most bottom of your priority when you are attached. Isn't that very shameful? Doesn't that prove what kind of person are you?

I am no love expert but take some time to reflect if you are in a healthy relationship at all if when you quarrel with your partner, you'll go looking for your friends but when you are not in a quarrel, your friends don't exist.

I really dislike and disregard people like this. I have been in a 5 year long relationship and at times when I fight with my partner, I do not go running to my friends for that moment and than neglecting them right after my partner and I makes up.

One of the many people I cannot stand is when people have no respect and gratitude for people, whether it is you or your partner.

If you wait until you lose your partner than you realized that you have lost so many friends in the process as well, than it will be TOO LATE.

I am not talking about anyone in particular but hey, if the shoe fits, FEEL FREE to wear it :)

Labels: Daily Rants, Friends, Gratitude, Shit

One of the many rules in love.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

As you can read from the title, I am here to write about one of the many rules in love.

Not sure why do we look awkward in this photo but we still look good :D

SUPPORT.

It is a very simple word but it takes so much courage to fulfill it. Everyone has a dream and to fulfill it, they need support. Lots of it.

Most importantly, they need support from their loved ones, be it from family members or their partner. I don't divide a lover from family members because a lover is already like a family member to me.

On the year that I got together with James, he got interested in Muay Thai and after trying it out, he realized that he was ultimately passionate about it and he aims to be a world class champion... One day.

Photo credits to Everlast SG.

Without support, I would be grumbling all day long that Muay Thai is always so much more important than me. It's not that I never complained, I did so in the past. However, I realized that without my support and encouragement, I was going to be an obstacle for him in working towards his dream. Why should I make myself an obstacle, why couldn't I instead help him secure his goal?

I have my dream too and it was to be an author. Without James and many others out there encouraging me to write, I wouldn't have completed "Jolene's Story."

Photo credits to National Arts Council.

I am hoping that "Jolene's Story" can be made into a movie.. But that's another story all together.

Don't be the obstacle in your partner's aim towards his goal, be the pillar of strength instead. Even if you cannot help him achieve it, at least you were always there for him.

I believe in James and he believes in me. He will always be my champion and I will always be his prized possession! :)

He gets annoyed at times when I force him to take pictures with me but he will never stop taking pictures with me. This is LOVE.

Appreciation for each other is essential too! :)

And he loves me for me, no matter how un-gentle I am.

.......... I guess my cuteness makes up for it =D I have 4 selfies to prove it!

Keep coming back to this space for more rules on love!

Xoxo.

Labels: Boyfriend, James, Love

[ADVERTORIAL] UBER MATHEMATICS!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

UBER MATHEMATICS

Hi readers, most of you read my blog secretly and never really interact with me on Social Media other than my 2 darling girls, Xin Hui and Bernice. They shower me with so much sweetness that sometimes I really tear reading their emails to me.

ANYWAY, most of you must be students and I know that MYE (Mid-Year-Exams) are over! I stalk you guy's tweets sometimes and most of you all are worrying so much on your results. COME ON GUYS, there is still EOY(End-Of-Year) exams!!! I am not only trying to comfort you but I have a solution for you too!

If you feel that you are lacking behind in any of your subjects, SEEK HELP. Don't ask me WHY because I will ask you WHY NOT? The above photo was taken in 2009 and I was studying so hard for my O'levels Mathematics! Maths is one of my worst ever subjects and I got an E8 for it for my O'levels. Boohoo. If only I had known Uber Mathematics at that time, I am sure I could have passed or even ACED my Math exam!!

UBER MATHEMATICS is located at :

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I am sure many of you are familiar with City Square Mall right? Take the NEL(North-East) line and alight at Farrer Park MRT station.

As per the name goes, UBER MATHEMATICS specializes in Mathermatics for PSLE, O'levels, A'levels, SIM-UOL etc.HOWEVER, they also offer other subjects as well! Just ask and they will work it out for you! If YOU want your results to improve, don't wait anymore. Use the June holidays to join their intensive workshops to get your grades up.

You all must think I am joking right? I am sure you must be thinking that it is already mid of the year and it is IMPOSSIBLE to get your grades up. WELL, you are wrong! It is possible if you are willing to give it a try!

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HERE'S THE DEAL!

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It's FREE! What are you waiting for? I hope to see all of you getting fabulous results for your exams and please do email me to tell me how happy you are after getting your results.

Don't wait anymore! Contact them today!

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Ending off this advert with a photo of me in school in the past! =)

Visit their website at : UBER MATHEMATICS !!

Labels: Advertorial

親愛的，四年八個月。

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Many readers love it when I post about my dear boyfriend and they are super interested to know about him. A lot of readers who finished reading Jolene's Story often tweet me or FB pm me asking if I am still together with the James that I mentioned in my book! :)

I love it when they are so thrilled that we have lasted this far! Being happy for me really touches me!

The above photo was taken on the 13th of September 2008 and it was his 17th birthday! We first held hands on this day but it wasn't official because he held my hands to guide me across the road and then he refused to let go!! Scheming boy! The beanie that he was wearing was a gift from me and he wore it even though it made him looked like a cancer patient.

Below photos were taken on our 2nd year anniversary in 2010.

We have a whirlwind story of how we developed from strangers to bffs to lovers but I'll leave that to another post... Are you guys keen?

I'm thinking of going for another photoshoot for our 5th year anniversary this year. Yes, it's been 5 long years! Even I myself am amazed that we have walked these far.

Everyone is asking when are we getting married. I was just chatting with his sister over dinner that when I first knew James, she was only Primary 2! ...And she is 13 now. Time really zooms!!!

Knowing him AND his family is really such a blessing! I feel like their own daughter whenever I'm with them.

Thank you baby, for always being there.

Happy 4 years & 8 months!

We don't celebrate monthsaries but today, I just feel like telling you how much I appreciate having you in my life!

Labels: Anniversary, James, Love

No longer Rapunzel.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I took a short hiatus from the previous post because if you have read the previous entry, I was not feeling good at the moment. I have not fully recovered from the previous episode yet but apparently, there is nothing I can do to save the situation anymore.

If I cannot change it, I can only choose to accept it.

I thought that this episode was already a very heart-wrenching one for me but another heartache had to be dropped on me this week. I received a phone call from MDIS and was told that my course was to be cancelled due to some reasons. I felt that the reasons were quite fishy and unreal but well, I can do nothing about them. However, they did mention that they will find a solution for me so I can only hope for the best. I was so looking forward to studying, really. I want to get my diploma as soon as possible and not feel inferior that I cannot join the media industry because of my lack of qualifications. Le sigh.

I have been trying to numb myself recently. I kept myself busy by doing so much in the day so that I can fall asleep at night due to extreme fatigue. I try my best to smile at everyone I see so that nobody would have to worry about me, I really try. For you guys and for you readers of Jolene's Story, I have to be strong so as to be your pillar of strength and as someone for you to look up to during your down times.

And if you all don't already know, I chopped off my hair. YES, my hair so long that I could sit on it. It was not an impulse act. I have been thinking about it for 2 long years!

I really disliked cutting my hair because the stepfather had instilled a fear in me when he ruined my hair when I was only 6. I loved my long locks of hair and protect them with my heart. But now,

I am no longer Rapunzel.

Many of you are so sad about the "disappearance" of my hair. Don't be! I am trying to let go of the emotional burden in my heart and my mind. I am feeling numb and the sadness deep down is in-explainable. Be happy for me instead :)

I've got over 100 likes on Facebook and Instagram complimenting about my new image and my bravery and I appreciated all you nice and kind people out there! Thank you so much! I have also had those who mourn about it and reprimanded me on why I did not keep the hair after it was cut... Uhm... I just didn't want to? I want to let go, not keep the burden.

Some others mentioned it was such a waste and that I did not look nice. Well, I feel good guys. I really feel really good. I feel more confident now and my short hair actually highlights my features! Many more people are complimenting that I am pretty instead of cute! (Although I would prefer both! =D )

Any hair saloon would like to sponsor me for a good hair-dying + treatment session? I want to take good care of my hair now that it is easier to tend and care for. It is so much faster to dry my hair now - an hour instead of 5!!

Nail care sponsors are welcome too. Any sponsors are welcome, basically. =D

Sorry, I really had to post so many photos of myself because I am trying to love myself more from now on. Really, I have to stop putting my heart out there to be stabbed over and over again, especially by my own blood relations.

James was the champion during Orchid Country Club's Fight Championship last last weekend on the 5th of May. So proud of my boy! *Photo credits to Everlast SG*

Thank you - to all the people who reads my blog on a regular basis and thank you to nice people I have known through Jolene's Story. You all think that I have inspired you and made you grown but you people are the reason I never give up too! Really!

Xoxo, till the next time!

Born to be abandoned.

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

"I've overcome neglect and deprivation, abandonment and abuse."

Tatum O\'Nea

Today's post is somewhat or rather very emotional and brutally honest so if you are feeling good today, skip this and have a good day ahead!

If you are a reader of Jolene's Story, you would know of my past and what had went on between my parents and me. HE left and never returned for me although he did mentioned that he would fight for my custody. HE re-married and have three kids of his own now and HIS wife doesn't allow him to come and see me. He says he has his own hardship, pain and agony and it is not his intention to avoid me. I have given up on wanting to see HIM again, I never thought that we will ever be reunited ever again because his wife is insecure to allow HIM to see his blood daughter. I am numb towards his indifference although I have heard that he secretly keeps my photos and looks at it. Does HE really fear his wife that much? Even if HE is not allowed to see me, why can't HE text me or contact me via any means of social media? I do not wish to fathom about this idea anymore.

Maybe we will meet in our next life, Dad.

What about HER? Although she had me in her for 9 months and she took care of me when I was younger... Could that ever cover up all the hurt and the pain that she had put me through? The pain she had when she was giving birth to me, I cannot feel it but I am feeling a million times worse than that. Physical pain can be measured but not my emotional agony.

I was given birth and put into the care of my nanny and grandparents almost immediately. SHE always talked about how big $500 was in the past for my nanny's fees and SHE always emphasized the crucial amount. Learning to feed myself, walk and talk at the age of 1 was indeed a talent and I learned them all without HER. SHE did not taught me those. My nanny did, my grandparents did. SHE had to work hard at pubs and lounges to earn money and I understood. At a tender age of 1, I never complained and I never grumbled. I put myself in her shoes and I understood that she had to make a living and to fend for me. I never did put any blame on her before.

Fast forward to when I was 6. I was done with kindergarten and it was time to start a new life in Primary School. Life was a far stretch for me indeed and like any other kid, it was a brand new start for me. SHE fell in love, SHE married and SHE made me move in with THE MONSTER. SHE loved him a lot and bore him 2 sons. Before the existence of the 2 sons, I was his punching bag and his sexual toy. Everything I did was wrong, even if I was only climbing up a chair. Every action resulted in the caning on my flesh and scoldings to my ears. There was never a day I was "Smart and Clever Jolene." I was always "stupid, dumb and naughty." SHE was always busy, with the housework, with the 2 sons and with satisfying THE MONSTER's sexual needs. I witnessed their acts before and they were never embarrassed by it.

People think that physical abuse by step-parents were common. I thought so too. If SHE could be happy with THE MONSTER and in turn I was to be brutally beaten everyday, I was fine to live with it. The sexual abuse started when she pregnant with the second son. Isn't it obvious that she was not in the state to satisfy his sexual needs and I had to take her place? I wasn't raped, is that a comfort? I was sexually abused and molested, although they probably meant the same thing. This abuse will haunt me forever and ever. Many times, I wanted to speak up and to tell her but THE MONSTER warned me so many times. He said that I was to keep silent or SHE will be harmed. I love her so I have to protect her, even though I was only 11. Indeed, she portrayed me a liar when I finally spoke up during my rebellious days in my teens.

"SHE"S LYING!"

I will always remember this words that came out from her mouth.

Grandpa, when he was still alive, had to convince her that I was being truthful. I didn't see the need to have to CONVINCE my blood mother to believe me. I wanted justice, I wanted the sexual predator to be punished and put to jail. SHE begged and SHE cried. SHE told me to think of the brothers. SHE said that if THE MONSTER was jailed, they would be abandoned and alone. ABANDONED? ALONE? I knew these feelings so well and the impact they had on me was overwhelming. I was always alone, in their "family" and I was always abandoned. They slept together all the time and I was always in an empty room with a thin piece of mattress that never felt like one. SHE said that since she divorced with THE MONSTER, they already had to live without a mother so if he was put behind bars, they would have to live without a father too.

I am not trying to say that I am noble. Neither am I saying that I sacrifice a lot for the brothers. I put the pain aside to give the brothers a better life. One of them appreciates but he is still too young to comprehend everything. The other one is nonchalant and he doesn't believe his father is how I paint him out to be. Humans should not die with regrets, they should always fulfill everything they want to do in life. The biggest regret in my life is witnessing the sexual predator NOT BEING imprisoned and punished for what he has done to me. The nightmare and the agony, no matter how I try my best to hide them... will always be here within me. He is living well, scot-free and still never changed. He has never ADMITTED his wrongdoings or bad deeds.

Moving on from that episode, I thought that life would be so much better. Though he was not imprisoned, at least I need not stay under the same roof with him any longer. I thought I was FREE from pain and sufferings. SHE moved on and met other men. So many other men. The hurt and separation from THE MONSTER did not push HER away from HER love to the male species. SHE was determined to find her way back into love. SHE got attached to different men, one was even married. HER marriage was ruined by a third party and SHE felt no shame being one, reason being he no longer loved his wife? The irony. I was always made to "sit in a corner" (not literally) while SHE busied herself with her love life. I was 15 when I stopped relying on HER.

I worked hard to fend for myself but I could never have any savings. My earnings were always given to loan-sharks and other debtors. I always shouldered HER debts and Grandma's debts. They were my family so I felt that I had to do it for them. SHE was never honest with me over HER debts. SHE always said that her friend was in the hospital and needed money for this and that. WHO was the liar now?

Still, I paid and paid and paid. I complained of course but I still paid. Everyone always says, "After-all, she is still your Mum." That was a reason in the past... Now? It was an EXCUSE.

I was not good enough to enter a polytechnic with my O'level results and I was only eligible for ITE. Many people thought that I was stuck-up and refused to go for further education in ITE. I lied that it will take me a long time and it was a waste of time. I lied. I wanted so much to continue my teenage years studying but because of the amount of debts, I did not do so. I stepped into the corporate world, working so hard for HER. 2012, SHE cohabited with a drunkard who did no harm to me but it was unsafe for me to stay in a one room flat with him so I was always unhappy and fought hard with HDB for a house of my own. I appealed 8 times to the HDB and finally, we got our rental flat that was signed under HER name. SHE left the drunkard. Many a times, I wrote HER letters to make HER understand my pain of always paying HER debts and make HER realize that buying SO MUCH lottery is harmful. SHE always appeared to understand and always acted as if SHE will change.

Behind my back, SHE borrowed from my boyfriend's Mum and my godmother. I knew my godmother in my first job and she really treated me as if I was her own child. I never ever felt those love from my blood mother. I had to pay the money that she owed my boyfriend's mum because she never seemed to bother paying up.. even though it was quite a small amount. I tried many ways to return the amount she owed to my godmother as well but my godmother just refused to accept it. After leaving the drunkard, SHE swore that SHE would never rely on men anymore as most of them forsaken HER and treated HER bad. SHE swore to live for herself. How happy I was, hearing those words from HER. Before our rental flat was given to us, we stayed temporarily at my best friend's place. Her family allowed us to put up with them for a small fee and I was eternally grateful to them. The new rental flat came and SHE was jobless with no money to pay for anything. I was jobless at that time as well but I worked adhoc jobs, finding money to buy furniture for the house and my friends all sponsored me different items. She did not have to pay for anything. I thought that life was renewed after Jolene's Story was published and I had gotten a scholarship this year. SHE met another man at her new workplace, he was the manager and SHE fell in love, again.

I never stopped HER from dating. I only wanted HER to not rely so much on him because SHE didn't knew him well. During her lonely days, I was the one who celebrated her birthday , Mother's day and other festivals with her. I celebrated HER birthday with HER this year as well and so did her boyfriend. He gave her a cake, a gift and a card and she proclaimed on Facebook that SHE had never felt any happier in HER life, ever. SHE knew him for less than a month and they got together. He started moving his things over, bit by bit, to my home. He slowly took over. I quarreled with HER a few times because he was at our place and I couldn't go home. SHE had abandoned me, spiritually. He was all SHE could talk about. I gave in and said that if he wanted to stay at our place, inform me beforehand so I can make arrangements. I have to allow a stranger to stay at my place while I find lodging outside. How appropriate? When we sit down for dinner, all SHE could talk about was him and him and him. I wasn't interested but I had to pretend to be. SHE never asked about me, or my work or my school or anything else. SHE kept going on about how well he treated HER, peeling prawns for her and so on and so forth. Our relationship strained and a few times, we quarreled over him. She posted up on Facebook to tell me not to be overboard and to remember that without HER, I would not have today. Seriously?

I was accustomed to the fact that SHE always brought him home and I was to find lodging outside. The rental flat was under HER name, what else could I say? Just last week, my best friend told me something that she had kept a secret for 4 months. YES! 4 months. Best friend said that her mother had borrowed $500 to HER. Yes, to the woman who did not have to pay a cent for the house. SHE borrowed the $500 from my best friend's mother saying that SHE had to pay many stuffs for the new place. What rubbish? Others borrowed her the money on account of me and promised to keep it a secret from me. However, when it was time to repay the debts, SHE ignored my best friend's calls and text messages. She totally ignored them. Even if SHE had no money to return, it was basic courtesy to pick up the call or return a text to inform. She did not. How embarrassed I was, imagine it... when my best friend told me to my face what had happened. They provided us with lodging, they cooked for us and treated us so well but SHE never felt any shame borrowing such a large amount and NOT paying. I paid HER phone bills and insurance fees for HER. All she had to pay was the rental fee, electricity and water bills and some misc bills which all amounted to less than $200.

SHE could even bring HER boyfriend's bed-sheets back to our place to wash for him. All his clothes are hand-washed by HER. How did he survive before he met HER? Absolute rubbish. He stayed in a storeroom in his own place so since my place was a haven for him, would he not want to make it permanent? The debt, $500, was not a small sum but I decided to repay it for her. I could not face my best friend and her family. I had to repay them.

Yesterday, I could not hold in all the anger, hurt and tears anymore. I wrote her a message with everything I had wanted to say. I even told her that I'll repay the $500 and I never even asked for the reason why she borrowed that amount. I told her that she should not trust the guy easily no matter how good he treated HER because SHE knew him less than a month. If he was so good, why was he not fending for HER and giving HER a good life? The message was filled with so much truth and explained all the heartache I felt.

Sadly, SHE did not accepted it and got angry instead.

She replied me : "If you hate me, you can sever ties with me. Don't talk about my boyfriend. He did not do anything wrong. This problem is between you and me. "

There was no gratitude for me for paying off HER debts and SHE felt no remorse. SHE doesn't feel that SHE had done anything wrong. SHE only thinks that I want to spoil HER relationship with her boyfriend.

She had abandoned me, long ago...
Ever since she had called me a liar for "accusing" her ex-husband.. I should have known that I was better off an orphan.

The pain you have made me feel,

The situation, just unreal,

Your supposed to be there for me,

But a mother you’ll never be.

The pain is already numb,

But yet the torture isn’t ..........

Labels: 2013, Abandonment, Emotional, Family, Humanity, Problems

FRIDAY!

Friday, May 03, 2013

Hi!!!!! GOOD DAY TO YOU! Thank you for opening up this blog-post and looking right smack at my pretty face. How's it going people? It is MAY now and I must say that 2013 was really a tad too fast. I don't think I even had the time to breathe. Everything just happens so freaking fast!

This Sunday at 7pm, the FIGHT OF THE YEAR is happening! James would be taking part in his last professional Muay Thai fight at Orchid Country Club before he enlists for army in August! It's going to be so exciting for me because I would be enjoying an 8 course meal while watching him throw his kicks and punches! GO BABY GO!

Some hater tried trolling me some days back and apparently, I won. Eh, I am so lovable, WHY YOU ALL HATE ME!

I saw this online and I went crazy for a little while because it is in the colour that I want!! I die also want to own a Mini Cooper, even if it just for one day.

I have been feeling down lately and I mean really really down. Misery at it's best and I think that kept feelings will be for another blog-post but nevertheless, the below photo speaks a lot.

I am glad that these people still stayed despite all the reasons for leaving.

P.S : I have launched some new watches on my online insta-shop @Oopz_ ! Do check them out!